Get Revenge on Anyone
Revenge is never pretty, but then again, it isn’t supposed to be. You can get revenge on anyone passively by ignoring them and pretending you aren’t bothered, and this is usually the best option since it’s also the one most likely to help you move on from the experience. On the other hand, you can get revenge more directly by taking legal action (if warranted), undermining their efforts to embarrass you, or pulling an embarrassing but otherwise harmless prank on them. Carefully consider if revenge is the best course of action before proceeding; if it is, then use caution and keep your wits about you.
Part 1 of 3:Getting Revenge Passively
1. Ignore the person
Ignore the person. Sometimes, sitting back and doing nothing is the best way to get back at a bully or other tormentor who wants to get a rise out of you. By constantly going after them, hurling your own insults and spraying your anger back, they continue to hold the upper hand over you and prove that you got what you deserved. By ignoring them and cutting that person out of your life, they’re dead to you. It’s over and you can forget them.
Being ignored can be just as frustrating, if not more, than being taken advantage of. This technique works especially well for people who seek to embarrass you in front of others, like siblings, bullies at school, or coworkers who make jokes at your expense. Don’t let them boss you around.
2. Get on with your life
Get on with your life. “The best revenge is living well.” Act as if whatever happened that provoked your revenge affected you in no way. Put up barriers and get on with things as you always do. Even if you’re stuck in a jam because of what someone has done to you, hold your head up high and don’t let them see how it has hurt you. The sweetest revenge can be getting on with your life and living a better one than the person who inflicted pain on you.
If you have to see the person on a regular basis, plan out great stories to tell about yourself to illustrate how well you’re doing, how great your life is. If someone embarrassed you at work or school, talk about your great weekend out on the town with your huge crew of interesting friends, or the cool bike trip you took.
3. Block the person on social networking
Block the person on social networking. If someone bullies you on Facebook, or constantly bombards you with irritating Tweets or Instagram photos, don’t let it remain a part of your life. Unfriend them, unfollow them, and block them. You can even report them if their actions violate the site’s policies. Don’t let silly minor irritations become big sources of conflict. Before long, the memory of their irritating humble brags and conspicuous photos of them with your ex will fade into a distant memory.
It can be tempting to get into a mud-slinging contest online, trading wall posts and having chat-style arguments in public. Try to avoid this as much as possible. That stuff doesn’t go away and there’s no point in getting sucked into a potentially embarrassing public argument with someone who’s not worth your time.
4. Don’t help the person when they need it
Don’t help the person when they need it. This works particularly well in work environments, or any situation in which you’re constantly criticized for your honest attempts at help, or at doing your job. Let them work out for themselves what it’s like to fix things without you. They’ll get the message.
If you’re working on a group project in school and everyone’s making fun of your efforts, pull back and work on your own. When it comes time for the due date to roll around, let the teacher know your group decided to not back you up.
If one of your siblings, roommates, or your partner criticized some of your efforts around the house, stop doing the laundry or the dishes altogether and let them know they’re more than welcome to take on the job themselves.
Part 2 of 3:Taking Action
1. Consider taking legal action
Consider taking legal action. If the situation warrants it, let the authorities handle cases in which you’ve been emotionally or physically tormented. Keep records and a chronological list of all the things that have happened and discuss pressing charges.
If someone borrowed your car and dented it or borrowed money and never paid you back, detail everything. Keep receipts, written promises, emails, etc. and write up your genuine memory of conversations and exchanges between you. Then go see a lawyer or the police and ask what your chances are of getting an arrest or taking an action for theft, embezzlement, vandalizing, stalking, conversion, or defamation.
Always keep your revenge legal. If you want to exact revenge on someone, never cross the line. Vigilantes rightfully end up in jail and harming another isn’t going to solve anything. Stay within the law and within your own conscience too. Stealing someone’s mail may be thrilling in the moment, but it’s also a federal crime. Is that worth it? No.
2. Show the other person up
Show the other person up. If they’ve opened you up to harm, don’t hold back speaking your mind around them. Use your wit to make passing comments about the other person’s attitude or lack of it. Insult them to their face.
Be careful. Being picky or nasty means you stoop to their level. It can also be tiring constantly observing them and finding ways to pick them apart. It’s likely that they’ll resort to doing the same too, so this can backfire and result in a circle of Hatfield-and-McCoy style revenges.
3. Beat them
Beat them. Prove to them that they are wrong. If the person undermined you, be the real deal in all times.
If someone tried to undermine you by spreading gossip about you that stopped your promotion, work harder than ever to get that promotion during the next quarter. Work hard and keep your distance from that person until management realizes it was just gossip and that you’re the real deal. Be the real deal in all situations.
4. Undermine their efforts
Undermine their efforts. Create a situation where the person who hurt you looks or appears clumsy, disorganized, or uncoordinated. Without letting your target know you wish to inflict damage, remaining as quiet and subtle as possible, observe your prey until you can target a distinct weakness or pattern. Use it to your advantage, it could be anything: A job, a joke, a seat, a car, a notebook, a room, a door, and even the people around them. When the time is right, spring into action.
If your enemy constantly brags about their accomplishments during group lunches, or during a particular class, beat them to the punch by taking control of the conversation. Don’t let them talk.
If your enemy always likes to pull a Gwyneth Paltrow and play the holier-than-thou card, monitor every slip up and failure and subtly bring it to the forefront. When the anti-gluten environmentalist nutcase on your dorm floor ever uses a plastic cup, spring into action: “I guess it’s too hard to care about the Earth all the time.”
5. Kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em with kindness. The alternative to undermining someone’s efforts is to be overly helpful, overly ready to set aside the past and to interfere and push your way in to their life to offer advice, help and solutions, again and again. Be annoying. Every time they want to be alone, be in their way. Every time they try to make a decision, make it for them. Every time they do make a decision, second guess it and wax negative about how badly their choice will end. This psychological torture may create confusion and a sense of self-defeatism.
Part 3 of 3:Getting Dirty
1. Make the decision to sink to their level
Make the decision to sink to their level. It’s not always the smartest decision to stoop to their level and play dirty, but sometimes the opportunity is too sweet to ignore. Make sure whatever prank or plot you’re planning is only irritating at the worst, and never stoop to illegal or potentially physically harmful tactics. Be mature, even as you’re being immature.
Remember that getting sucked into a tit-for-tat with someone will ultimately be more consuming than moving on and forgetting the matter. It’s playing THEIR game to get dirty, and you risk potential revenge-tactics in return from them. You’ve been warned.
2. Send anonymous letters, phone calls, or texts
Send anonymous letters, phone calls, or texts. If the person has to endure a deluge of irritating phone calls asking for the Grammar Hotline (or something more crude), they’ll be irritated to the point of having to change their phone number or email.
Post their contact information in public places, maybe even making up ridiculous posters to hang around truck stop restrooms, bars, and other disreputable locations. They’ll have a good time fielding calls from weirdos.
3. Leave them a disgusting gift
Leave them a disgusting gift. Shrimp and other sea-creatures make what could only be described as the smell of a Satanic flatulence when they start going bad. Hiding some frozen shrimp in their desk, locker, or under their deck will be a pipe-bomb of stink in a couple of days. They’ll be confused and nauseated and maybe even attract a crew of woodland creatures and dogs looking for a snack.
4. Embarrass them publicly
Embarrass them publicly. Order offensive materials and have them sent to the person at a compromising time. Order the latest dirty video, or VHS box set of Creation Science DVDs and have it sent to their office, making sure it is delivered to the person at work during a meeting or other important time. Leave the office suite off to make sure the deliveryman has to ask around all over the office park before finding the person.
5. Freak them out
Freak them out. Send them something nice, like flowers, but from someone creepy or disreputable. Make sure you place the order anonymously and pay in cash, so if they receive flowers that say, “Your backyard at 123 Smith St. is really comfortable to sleep in” or something else creepy, they’ll be terrified.
Being ominous is okay, just don’t take it to the next level of creep. Don’t actually sleep in their yard or do anything illegal.
Maybe write “Lucifer rises” on their windshield in lipstick, or pile stones in gothic-looking patterns on their front stoop. Make a super-creepy voodoo doll with a picture of their face on the top and leave it in their mailbox. Watch them look sleepy at work the next day from the nightmares you’re dishing out.
6. Learn the line between harassment and pranks
Learn the line between harassment and pranks. Play it cool if you’re going to prank someone as revenge. Harassment involves unwanted epithets, insults, and other methods of intimidation and is illegal. Don’t take it too far.
“A person is guilty of harassment in the first degree when he or she intentionally and repeatedly harasses another person by following such person in or about a public place or places or by engaging in a course of conduct or by repeatedly committing acts which places such person in reasonable fear of physical injury.”